You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Randomize
