i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
