well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Randomize
