no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Randomize
