6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
