11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
Randomize
