The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize
