I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Randomize
