We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
