the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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