He kissed a someone with a penis
she told me i tasted like america
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
