Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
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