I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Randomize
