don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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