It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Randomize
