3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
