He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
she was so not down for the gang bang
My Higher Power is John Stamos
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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