end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
