She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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