I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
