If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
