Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Randomize
