the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Randomize
