u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Randomize
