I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
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