just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
