never play flip cup with pint glasses
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
