Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Randomize
