He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
Randomize
