remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
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