Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
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