I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
