Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
