I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
