so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You left your phone here
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