just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
