did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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