Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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