You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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