how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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