I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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