He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
