I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
