Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Randomize