Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
We took your mom out drinking and we wound up winning 18 games of Flip Cup. You have amazing genetics.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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