just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Randomize
