We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
