My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
that is very illegal...i love you.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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