dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
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