My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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