I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
