She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Randomize
