It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
