woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
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