I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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