I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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