We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Randomize
