I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
