he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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