I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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