in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
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