Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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