she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Randomize
