Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
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