I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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