We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
