Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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