there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
