Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
i believe in u and ur pee
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