i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
