I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
