I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
