so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
