he was CRYING into my vagina
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
