i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
